..."the family, friends and neighbors -- people sometimes not seen in years but who suddenly turn up, like corks bobbing to the surface, each one awakening the memory of quarrels that started back in the mists of time, past loves, former grudges, engagements broken then forgotten, inheritances and law suits...such a gathering of ghosts! In big cities, people either see each other all the time or never, it's simpler. Here...Corks in water, that's what I say. Hey, presto, there they are! And what a stir they cause, how many old memories they dredge up. Then down they go again and, for ten years, they're forgotten..."
-- Irene Nemirovsky, "Fire in the Blood"
Lately, it seems that everyone I encounter is either gathering up old hurts or trying to push them down. Death, illness, broken friendships, memories of the old self in the old life gladly left behind. Like it or not, it's the pull of the planets forcing us to look back, present yourself, try to forget; be forgotten.
The really interesting stuff happens, of course, when the old life bobs up within the new. Sylvestre, the narrator of Irene Nemirovsky's "Fire in the Blood" makes this observation at a wedding reception, watching the interactions between locals and city relatives rarely seen.
I thought something like that myself when I attended my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago. I guessed it had been eighteen years since I'd seen some of them. I wondered which awkward memories they would dredge up for my new-ish husband. And then the questions they won't ask me, but might ask each other, like "What happened to the other guy?" I'd like to hear the answer to that one, actually, since the most interesting bits are the ones I have always kept to myself. Mostly, anyway.
But really, no one asked me ANYTHING, and in a way, I was disappointed. The network of family observers had gotten there first and their version, I guess, was considered as valid as my own. Even though the odds are that it's probably pretty far from the truth I would tell. It's funny when someone (mistakenly) thought I was practicing medicine in Wyoming. Not as funny when they don't seem interested in the right answer.
This social dysfunction touches more folk than just my family. No one seems allowed to tell their own stories anymore - just consider the drama around "memoirgate." The crisis of representation that brought cultural anthropology to it's post-modern knees is the same logic that has fed the radical growth of accusations and personal memory. Truth turned on it's ear.
You can remember your life however you want to, but ultimately, your family, friends, colleagues, even the building janitors have more ethnographic authority about your life than you ever will. Just a small part of the conversation I've been having over at Citizen Reader about truth in non-fiction.