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November 21, 2008

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Ann from Montana

I think you hit the nail on the head with "how important is it to hear what you want to hear?...At least some of the time?"

And I would imagine - here I should qualify... I am 53, divorced twice, "veteran" of a number of serious relationships, not in one now...i.e. those who cannot do, tell others what to do :) !! ...under the guise of experience... but back to my thought - I hope (expect) to hear what I want to hear "some" of the time. I hope that not only a romantic partner, but dear friends, put effort into learning "my language". And conversely, I try to pay attention to those I love so that at least some of the time I give what they want - words or actions.

And the rest of the time, as you say, we have to rely on our sense of humor, our understanding of our own and our friends and partners humanity and laugh and/or let things roll off our backs without getting our dander up! (mixed metaphor/cliche!)

"Grey with yellow stripes" - well, it made me laugh at the "maleness" of it - I imagine you eventually laughed...

Heidi

Those are good and helpful insights. Perhaps what is important is to make the effort to understand what matters to your partner. To pass it through those filters when you're not hearing what you want to hear. The question remains - how important is it to hear what you want to hear? At least some of the time?

I loved what Mike said to me, actually. We had been apart for four or five days and it was a great reminder that we are best friends and we would have loved tramping through the brush together. One of the nicest days we've ever spent together was a fall drive to Tally Lake with our dog. We just walked around, collected twigs that had been chewed by beaver and watching a guy fish of his float plane.

But he has a foot-in-mouth gift and I try to bring that humor to the blog sometimes. For instance, when I asked him the other day what he thought about me becoming a brunette, he replied, "I like your hair the way it is, baby. Grey - with yellow stripes in it..."

Ann from Montana

Hmmm - not sure I have a good understanding of how you feel about the hunting comment, but I think that is VERY romantic because it is in the context of his language of things important to him of which you obviously are!!

I have often laughed and said that when a man (and please, this IS a generalization) wants to tell you he really loves you, he washes your car. And while we (women and AGAIN a generalizaton) would like flowers, cuddles, soft kisses and murmurings of our beauty and desirableness - that is OUR language. And we often - maybe always - express our love to him in OUR language...

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