Last night, while floating in the bath, I realized that the missing piece I've been searching for is that feeling of falling in love. Not being in love. (I am in love. I have plenty of love in my every day.)
I'm talking about that feeling of falling. Specifically, falling in love with a thing, or an idea, or an experience.
You know what I mean? That can't get enough of this I could do it forever type of passion for something.
The reality is, I just don't have time to look for it, be with it, take care of it. I bounce from moment to moment, always two steps behind, always offending someone I haven't had time to get in touch with. Paintings wait two, sometimes three, years to be finished.
I'm caught in a pattern of imbalance which, according to Marcus Buckingham, is not only the condition of life, but it's goal. Buckingham says,
When you are balanced, you are stationary, holding your breath, trying not to let any sudden twitch or jerk pull you too far one way or the other. You are at a standstill. This precarious, motionless state is not worth striving for. It's the wrong life goal. Strive for fullness instead.
Buckingham says to cradle your "strongest moments" and seek to create more of those moments in your week. I'm meditating these ideas right now.
Painting: Elmer Bischoff, Nude in Chair, 1960, Watercolor and Gouache on paper.