2011: Year in Review.

I Have Always Loved You (2008). My work. Encaustic/collage.

In 2011: 

I stopped telling myself it would be different one day. I stopped Two Kitties. I stopped eating meat. I stopped wearing my clothes and bought new ones. I stopped writing, making art, cooking, answering emails, phone calls, and letters for awhile. I stopped being friends with people who asked me if I "got rich" from my divorce (I didn't) before asking how I was holding up without my grandkids close by. I also stopped being depressed and miserable, eventually.

I started over. I started a new business, I started paying full-time attention to the old one again. I started a Vegan diet with the help of Jonny O and Engine 2. I started running. I started losing weight. I started buying smaller new clothes. I started to say "no" when I wanted to; this time out loud. I started talking to some people again (I'm still working on it).

I was satisfied with my most recent haircut.

And frustrated by the way my health insurance application process went.

I am so embarrassed that I wound up divorced.I never would have believed that would be the outcome of that marriage, but it was. There are a lot of old friends I feel like I can't call because I don't want to talk about it.

Once again, I failed to finish writing my novel.

Once again, I did not achieve buns of steel.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is I've lost about 15 pounds. I think I look happier and healthier, not just because of the weight loss but mostly because I'm happy on the inside.

I loved spending time with my sister this fall, outside of the stress of my Mom's changing life - in Seattle, Winchester, and again in Minneapolis a couple of weekends ago. Last year sucked. We were in crisis mode every time we were together.

Why did I go back to the hairdresser that turned my hair blue?

I should have known better.

I regret giving her a compliment on her wedge/bob; because that's what she gave me.

I will never regret giving my whole heart to my five grandchildren. I love them so much. They are really amazing people.I hit the jackpot on that deal.

I love martinis way too much. Especially the third one. But martinis are like boobs - two are great; three is a freak show. I learned. I'm back on coffee.

I didn’t do anything, for anyone, this year. As far as I can tell.

My poison ivy drove me crazy. That was a bad situation.

The most relaxing place I went was upstairs. I think I slept the entire month of July. I lost five pounds during that month, btw.

I feel so vulnerable when I realize all the things I don't know about running a retail business.

Why did I think it was a good idea to paint the hallway orange?

The best thing I did for someone else? I'm not really sure, to tell you the truth.

The best thing I did for myself was leave my husband.

The best thing someone did for me was offer me a life, filled with love, where I could be myself, 100 percent - no punishment.

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is all of it. I'd do all of it better. But I want five years to figure out how it should be done.

Last year's review can be found here.

Comments

[Kristen]

I think that the best thing you did for someone else was the same as the best thing you did for yourself. Because you were unhappy and cramped and stuffed into a hole, and how is that going to be good for the people who love you, who are around you? So now, you have come plunging back out of that hole and exploded into your real shape, which is good and interesting and growing - and that has to be better for every single person who gets close enough to you to feel that sun on their faces.

Jah?

[Debra]

Zelia would like her quilt listed among the nicest things done for others this year.

[teent]

I think you're an amazing person and it makes me happy to watch you become yourself again. And the martini thing - hilarious. Srsly.

[Savvy Working Gal]

Heidi,
It takes courage and strength to recognize the need to change your life then actually act upon those changes. I am proud of you. You are an inspiration for all women stuck in a bad relationship. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing great. I am looking forward to watching you continue to grow in 2012.