Ok. I learned one thing vegan this week: Seitan is not for me. I decided to make my own - using the recipe on the back of Bob's Red Mill Vital Wheat Gluten. It was an hour of effort and basically looked like a pile of dog shit in tupperware. It felt even worse.
Because yes. I went ahead and cooked with it the next day. Ignoring my gut instinct of disgust, I touched it (in all its coldness), chopped it up, and put it in a vegan "mushroom stroganoff." It smelled good, but I couldn't get past it. It was way, way, worse than dealing with raw meat. I'll take beans over seitan ANYTIME. Interestingly enough, J. ate the seitan stroganoff and said it was good. But he didn't ask for seconds or make any protest when I shoved it down the garbage disposal, so....
I got my baseline bloodwork back. My triglycerides are high, 162, I think, my "bad" cholesterol was slightly elevated and my "good" cholesterol was a little low. Consistent with metabolic syndrome, which I know I have from PCOS. The suggestion was I should exercise some MORE, and take some essential fatty acids. It's been four years now, but I still get pissed every time the results come back - thisisnotmethisisnotmethisisnotmeidon'twantthis type of thing. I know that attitude holds me back. See Old Stories, which I posted the other day.
As I write the new story, it has to be that I am a plant strong, exercise loving machine. Once I get through this "tired" period, I have to go back to the super-intense workouts. Because G*d knows what my blood results would look like if I hadn't been doing them previously.
At the beginning of Week Three, I finally talked myself into getting back on the scale. I didn't want to be disappointed, so I hadn't weighed myself since I started Engine 2. I took my shoes off, convinced myself that no matter what the number, I would be happy that I felt clean and was enjoying my food again. That the scale would give me the feedback I need to adjust the Engine 2 plan to my body's needs. Blah blah blah blah. So I did it.I got on the scale.
I haven't lost a single pound.
I was disappointed. It was two solid weeks of trying. Two weekends with J. where we basically couldn't go out to eat or make a pie with all those local peaches, or enjoy a cocktail down on the pedestrian mall together.
I felt that it confirmed my fears that this disease will never allow me to change.
But, as I stairmill-ed away, I told myself that it was o.k. That I hadn't gained back the four pounds I lost pre-Engine 2, either. And I basically haven't exercised at all the last couple weeks. Maybe three times. And I did, indeed, have feedback that would shape my future food choices on Engine 2. More exercise, fewer nuts, more water, more art, more happiness.
And if it doesn't make me lose weight, at least I still have the happiness.
Oh my. That does look like dog shit. I'm sorry you aren't getting some of the results you were hoping for, but I'm so glad you are feeling better. Staying the same weight and feeling good, sounds a whole lot better than staying the same weight and feeling like your seitan looks. Is it pronounced like "Satan"? Because that might be appropriate.
Posted by: Sarah | August 17, 2011 at 06:17 AM
I love seitan! And to each her own-right? I feel you with the scale thing. Was your blood work done before or after starting a vegan diet? Hopefully after the 4 weeks it will look better, but it may require no added oils, and virtually not nuts/avacado. Cutting grains down to only a serving or two each week may help with weight also.
Posted by: Jude | August 17, 2011 at 08:19 PM
Ha! If it makes you feel any better, I've tried to make seitan several times and it always turns out weird and spongy, and an absolutely unappetizing fat-like texture. I've purchased prepared seitan in the store that is much better - I have no idea how they do it. Have you tried soy curls? They are easy to work with (just reconstitute) and they pick up the flavor of what you're cooking - http://www.butlerfoods.com/products/soycurls.html. Some stores have them in bulk. Hang in there! :)
Posted by: Beezelbarb | August 18, 2011 at 12:44 AM
Hi - thanks so much for the comments, guys. Yes, Jude, my blood work was done before starting, and it was consistent with the blood work I had done a year ago. I did lose a half a pound this week, so...that's something. Weird thing is, I cheated. I had a skinny margarita and three vegan cookies from a natural foods bakery in Columbus, OH.
Posted by: heidi | August 22, 2011 at 09:56 AM