I stopped paying other people and challenged myself to dig in and do all the work myself. Even if it meant I had to step outside my comfort zone. It has given me a much-needed focus on what needs to happen next.
I started paying attention to my Internet store as if it belonged to a client. I've spent the last few months giving it needed improvements and direction. This has been an important transition for me.
I was satisfied with holiday sales in spite of all the imperfections in the site, the products, and my marketing tools. I have learned so much in the last six months!
I was frustrated by the city's lack of response to graffiti, trash, and other problems in my neighborhood. If I lived two streets away in the fancy historic section (vs. the plain historic section), it wouldn't even be an issue. The problems would be taken care of by the city that same day. It bothers me because it's something I've dealt with so many times in my consulting practice and yet...when it comes down to it...I'm not 100 percent sure that putting up a sculpture is going to keep my neighbor from letting his dog shit in front of my door.
I am so embarrassed that I am not a better communicator. By phone, by email, in person. I'm not sure what changed. I used to be really social. I want to blame it on M., for making me feel insecure about myself (him picking apart everything I said and did after a party, for example) but then I feel like you shouldn't give away your power like that. I know my hearing problem is at least part of it - I really struggle to hear in places like restaurants and even on the phone. But still. I need to get better at communicating with friends and family and there are lots of ways to do that.
Once again, I failed to achieve buns of steel. I did run a 10K or two and I did see noticeable improvements in my physical strength and appearance. So there IS that.
Once again, I did not finish writing my novel.
The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is my overall fitness level. I can see the difference in myself in muscle tone and shape when I look in the mirror. I can zip a skirt I haven't been able to squeeze even a leg into for more than ten years.
I loved my visit to Bend to see the grandkids. Precious kids and precious time together. I'm so thankful to their parents for sharing them with me.
Why did I ever think I could help [X] situation? Why do so many people count on me to do exactly that when their problems need sorting? Is that good for them? Is it good for me?
I should have been honest with myself. In so many different ways. In so many different moments. But then other times, I'm afraid of what I'll have to change/do as a result.
I feel so vulnerable when I sort through my parents' papers and/or my own "hoard." There are pieces of paper in my collage box that I've been saving ("for a project") for TEN YEARS. That I have never started - in spite of the fully formed idea in my mind. It's tough to go through that stuff and face the reality about your time commitments. It's tough to sort my mother's papers because there's just nowhere for it to go. This is the end. All of her treasures and...for what? And I think those things (the collage box of projects and my mother's treasures) are somehow related. When I go through those boxes, I wonder what I'm good at. And I can't think of anything.
I regret not finishing my book. I'm going to put that on "client status" this winter. I guess one thing I've learned from the website thing is that even if it isn't perfect, it can give a great deal of satisfaction because of all the effort that went into it. And once you know what isn't perfect, you have a list of items you can then refine.
I will never regret adopting Sissy. I wasn't planning on a dog. I was sitting at my desk one afternoon feeling anxious and couldn't figure out why. I decided to go to the shelter (where I volunteer) to find someone more anxious than me and offer comfort. There she was. Shivering in the corner of the kennel. I picked her up and held her for almost an hour. Shelter staff started asking me if I was going to adopt her. NO. I have two cats. We are all very happy together just the way we are. Then I realized I loved her. I hated putting her back in the kennel. And that's when I knew. I'd put dozens of dogs back in their kennels after our walks - no regrets. And John was working out of town. He couldn't come and meet her.
When I called he said he trusted me to choose an animal - which is huge, if you think about it. Because neither of us knew if it would upset the balance of our very happy pet family. It worked out that he could meet her and decide. And so we did. And she fit in just fine. She and the White Kitty are surprisingly good friends. It's been a pleasure to watch her let go of her insecurities and fears - especially over the last couple of months. A scared, out-of-shape little dog turned into a cuddly, happy, 7 year-old puppy. I did that. The fact that I wrote more about the dog than anything else on this list must say alot about me. I wake up so many days wondering if I'm good at anything. I know I'm good at loving shelter animals and helping them relax into my home. That, I know I'm good at.
I love my home. And all of the people and things in it. In spite of its imperfections. In spite of the neighbors. In spite of the long list of repairs that need to be made. I know that I love it because whenever I leave, I'm always so glad to get back here.
My neighbor, the leaf blower guy, drove me crazy.
The most relaxing place I went was probably the gym. I also really enjoyed my trip to Pittsburgh to see my friend D., and my trip to New York City. Also, we went to Denver during the storms and had a ball.
Why did I think it was a good idea to rip out my bathroom the week before Christmas? Plaster dust everywhere. Decisions to be made at a super busy time for website orders. I didn't get a tree up. Didn't get anything baked. No presents to my family. Horrible. It was just that extra thing that pushed me over the edge.
The best thing I did for someone else? Raised a stink with the head nurse about the poop under my Mom's fingernails. She wound up in Depends, but it was inevitable, really.
The best thing I did for myself was marry John. It would have been easy to just continue to live in sin because I was afraid of making another mistake, but I'm really glad we tied the knot.
The best thing someone did for me: Perhaps I'm just fresh off of Christmas and forgetting other things - but I was really touched by the time and effort that my sister and my mother-in-law put into our gifts this year. So many nice things! And I did nothing.
The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better: I ran a really crummy Freedom's Run 10K last fall - and it so discouraged me I've had trouble getting back in the saddle. I'd like to a) run a better Freedom's Run in 2014; and b) work on my response to disappointment. You can't just wallow in it for two months. You have to keep going, know what I'm saying? And I'm going to stop comparing myself to my ultra-marathoner online friends. That doesn't help.
Reviews of 2010 and 2011 are available for reference. 2012 I had a bad flu so it didn't happen!
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